Standing Tall at 24
Chapter 21 - Outro
Chapter 21 — Greater Snow (21st solar term, December 6, 7 or 8)
When a person really knows where their problems are, what they can do and what they’re good at, they’re already halfway to success. That’s because they understand both understand both their flaws and strengths.
Then, I started to think seriously. Is there a perfect solution? Could I apply to open a studio that independently deals with opportunities in China?
Before talking to the company, I had done a lot of thinking. Can the studio be successfully founded? If so, how should it proceed? How do we execute? I needed to consider the company’s standing, my group and solo activities, and how we should resolve any conflicts that arose.
I showed the company all my ideas and plans. I talked to everyone, including the boss. My boss said he liked my ideas and needed time to think, so he asked us to wait. While I waited, I would frequently send him my thoughts about the studio’s future and how it should be operated if we wanted to succeed. At last, my boss said to me, “You’ve got a lot going for you. But you’d never spoken with us about this before, so we didn’t know what you wanted. Since you’ve been so sincere about all of this, the company will consider your proposal seriously. I hope the result will be positive.”
As long as you are well-prepared for what you want to do and how you will do it, you should strive for your dreams as best you can. During this time, I made sure to remind myself of these two things. First, I had to work hard to make sure I could do it. Second, I had to know what I really wanted. Is it material gain, or something else? Think it through, make it happen, and all you need is these two things.
To be honest, no one can guarantee that the path I’ve chosen will lead to success. No one can tell me whether this is the right thing to do. Everything is an exploration, an attempt. The only thing I can do is hold on to the choice I’ve made, and work hard for it.
Chapter 22 — The Winter Solstice (22nd solar term, December 21, 22 or 23)
Fortunately, at every stage of my life I’ve met people who offered me help and taught me to rise to the challenge. Because of all those people who’ve helped me, my racing thoughts are quieter and less distracting . So I choose to believe — I believe people around me.
I think all that we can do is treasure the trust we have for each other. I will do my best on every single project and try to overcome my shortcomings, so that I and the people around me can feel happier.
Chapter 23 — Lesser Cold (23rd solar term, January 5, 6 or 7)
Do what you love to perfection
Since I am not a very confident person, I’ve tried to make myself more confident over the years. During this time of exploration and experimentation, I found that if you want to move the earth, first you need a lever: find something you like to do, or that you’re good at, stick with it, and work until you reach perfection.
When I first came to Korea, I felt like everything was over. My vocals weren’t very good, my dancing was a mess, and I didn’t have any other talents to speak of. It was like I got 20 out of 100 on every exam in every subject. What should I do? Back then, I unconsciously chose dancing as my focus and put everything I had into it. I worked as hard as I could just to master dancing. In retrospect, I found that this is actually a good method. Like studying for an exam, if you’re failing every subject and try to spread out your efforts to catch up on all of them, you’ll end up with a 40 out of 100 at best in all your classes. In this case, the harder you work, the more frustrated you’ll feel, which might make you eventually give up. However, if you just work on one subject and get a 95 or 100 on the test, even though the rest of the subjects stayed at 20, you will start to feel differently about yourself. You will know that you are able to accomplish something; other people will be shocked as well, and everyone is going to change their mind about you.
When I first got my dancing to a 90, I began to feel like I might not be that bad! Others will also believe in you, that you are not worthless, and that you are capable of doing something well. With affirmation from yourself and the outside world, you get into a virtuous cycle. Slowly, you gain the confidence to work hard on one particular thing, and overcome your obstacles one after another. Pick your milestones one-by-one: from a 20, then to a 30, then a 50, a 60… Gradually you will see the unique potential and power that reside in you.
You have to find the thing you love the most — the one thing you most want to use as your lever. Getting a perfect score on anything, no matter how big or small, is never easy for anyone. Maybe we can get to 60 with just a little bit of effort, but moving from 60 to 100 will be your true test. Only things that truly excite our passions can carry us through that journey from 60 to 100 percent, which is plagued with boredom and waves of self-doubt.
Do what you love to perfection. Do it for yourself, and do it for the world that doubts you.
There is an angel and a devil living in everyone’s heart
Inertia is always an issue with everyone, including me. Sometimes I would get so tired halfway into practicing that I just lay on the floor and say to myself: “I cannot keep going! I don’t want to practice anymore! Seriously! “ But when I looked at the people around me — younger people who were nonetheless better dancers and singers than me — they were still practicing hard. That lit a fire in my heart, and I asked myself, “Are you going to keep practicing or not?” Yes! Then I got up and kept on going.
There is an angel and a devil living in my heart, and they are constantly in conflict. I’ve loved dragons ever since I was little, so that’s why I feel there is a dragon within me. This dragon would always do surprising things, like splitting into an angel dragon and a devil dragon and continuing to argue inside my head. The devil dragon always says: “You should accept your fate. You are not fit for this career. There are so many people who are better than you, so working hard won’t matter in the end.” However, the angel dragon always tells me: “Working hard will pay off. You are your own hero. Everyone has their strengths. Keep working on that strength, and you will win.” Usually, I listen to the angel dragon more.
When inertia hits, I’ve found the best way to deal with it is to find your area of focus so that you can feel the excitement of success. One cannot beat inertia with scolding or setbacks — only with success and hope. Once you’ve found your focus, try to work on that. Using the metaphor of moving the earth with a lever, just try to put some force on the lever. If the beam of the lever breaks, that’s ok — just find a stronger one. That lever is the best weapon we have, since if you want to move the whole earth, you need to start by making it wiggle a bit. If there is no movement whatsoever, where do you think your confidence is going to come from? As you keep applying force to the lever and seeing how you make the earth move more and more, inertia will likely go away eventually. So, always work hard and do not let inertia hold you back. Try different things and find your expertise.
Think about the test we could have passed, the race we could have won, and the applause we could have earned… Are you ready to give all that up? Can you face yourself after losing all that? No? Then work hard.
I believe that everyone is granted a fair chance. Everyone has their own strengths. Maybe you’ve yet to discover yours, but please believe that in time you will.
Chapter 24 — Greater Cold (24th solar term, January 20 or 21)
My mom bought this bag before my birthday, and without me knowing, asked her friend in Korea to quietly deliver it to me on my 20th birthday along with a letter. I read the letter while eating my birthday cake. In the letter, my mom wrote: “I hope you won’t work yourself to exhaustion. Regardless of whether you debut or not, we just hope that you will be healthy and happy.” I tried to hold back my tears but failed. I guess that everyone saw me crying.
Why would I choose a strange phrase like “Work hard, harder and then harder still” for my Weibo ID? The reason is very simple. I was just getting started with Weibo at the time, and never expected that I would later be verified. At the beginning, I just wanted to be another anonymous person and use Weibo for fun, so I just picked whatever name came to mind. It was also a reflection of my mentality back then. I wanted to tell people that I worked hard, harder and then harder still. Little did I know that this ID would become synonymous with me.
To date, I’ve never thought of changing my ID. At the beginning I really did want to simply be a regular person, with a space of my own. Gradually more and more people knew about the ID “Work hard, harder and then harder still”, so I began to think of Weibo as a platform for communication between me and my fans. I hope it will stay that way for the next decade or so. I don’t want to make this platform too commercialized. I’d like to post about movies and books that I like, and about my friends — I would like this to be a channel for me and my fans to interact. As long as I have time after practicing, I will always make sure to check Weibo.
My Only Rival is Myself
At the end of this book, I would like to give myself some encouragement: My only rival is myself. This is not bragging — It’s competing with myself instead of others. If I can overcome my shortcomings and not let inertia, distraction or lack of self-confidence hold me back, I believe I can become a great artist. All competitions are, at their heart, a competition between me and myself.
There were moments when I wanted to give up: when my ninety-nine tracks disappeared, when the floor of the practice room was slick with my sweat, when I felt misunderstood… Fortunately, whenever I was on the verge of giving up, I chose to bite the bullet and keep soldiering on.
I am grateful for these four and twenty years. From the spring of my life, to the blazing summer in Korea, to the bountiful fall, and the transforming winter. I know that I am very lucky.
I’m looking forward to the future.
Every little experience in life is like a nameless wave:
They vanish, ignored and forgotten.
But what’s important is that they were here
For everyone who has ever worked hard, harder, and then harder still.
Like a crown upon your head
These jewels shine for you, Your Majesty
They pierce you with their thorns
Even though you are the only one left in this world
