Lay Zhang: Relax, get your balance in control
Relax, or not.
Lay doesn’t seem relaxed. But this time, we planned to talk about ‘being relaxed’ with him.
He used to describe his condition of making music as ‘capturing every 0.1 second’. It is also his normal life in some certain ways. He is used to work on every second of his life. It has become a part of his muscle memory.
From a child star based in Changsha to a trainee in a big entertainment company, the way that Lay dealt with anxiety in his unconfident years is working hard. In his teenage years, he was training in foreign country alone. He described his trainee’s life as ‘It was two years I can barely recall. I had nothing but practice. Later, someone called me a “God-like trainee”, at which I could only smile wryly. “Lunatic trainee” would have been more accurate.’ When he was video calling his mom, he wrung out his clothes, and sweat poured out all over the floor. He told his mother, “Mom, I really am trying. If it doesn’t work out and I can’t debut, please don’t blame me!”
Working hard and harder — this is his straightforward Weibo username. After debut, his learning began with producing the first album. Until now, he can take the responsibility to plan, compose, sing, choregraph, direct the MV and design the covers and inner pages. He even learned a new dance type specifically for his 4th album. Until now, his motto still is ‘Keeping our feet on the ground, continue to work hard and harder.’
3 years ago, I had a chance to witness one of Lay’s photoshoot. He kept playing with the tracks on his computer even during just a short break. The entire makeup room was filled with sounds that are just like the beats of our hearts.
‘Do you still do that now?’
‘Yes.’ he answered without any hesitation.
However, some changes are quite specific, such as the interview location this time. It was a small villa near a forest. Lay just completed a half day filming and laid on the couch with an uncomfortable position. His body kept leaning forward. There is a felted wool sheep ornament standing on the back of the couch. Lay said that it was completely a coincidence.
The night falls, cool breeze mixed with the smell of BBQ wafted into the room. The door opened and the interview was interrupted by BBQ skewers from the editors. Lay asked me to eat first. We shared the skewers, and he clapped near the recording pen to signal a pause for this interview.
Balance
The change probably started with the new identity.
On 7th Oct. 2020, on Lay’s 29th birthday, he announced the establishment of Chromosome Entertainment Group and officially started the ‘trainees project’. Since that day, he became a novice boss.
He admitted that he had some imaginations with being a ‘boss’. ‘Do you all think that boss is very powerful who can create the clouds and wind with a turn of the hand? I had 20% of those similar imaginations and think that all the bosses should be in this way. But when I really became a boss, I realized that being a “boss” is also a job, and there are so many things that I need to learn.’
Brainstorming, this is how Lay felt in the past half year: finance knowledge, economy trend, the pain point of business startup, business model……He realized that he has too many blind spots. Before the business startup, Lay would use the break time between the filming to compose, and now, he would listen to the audio courses. After the daytime work, he will read books and arrange time for related courses. ‘As a boss, I’m supposed to take the responsibility for the development and growth of the company and employees. The responsibility is supposed to be that heavy. Sometimes they called me ‘Boss Zhang’. It made me feel like “Oh my god, this is like reminder to me about the responsibilities.’
Lay said the purpose of him working so hard is ‘afraid of disappointing others’ — he was afraid of disappointing his parents, fans and brothers who supported him in this industry. And after became a boss, there are even more people that he’s afraid to disappoint. “I hope that I can be responsible for the company, for everyone, for all the kids.”
“Kids” comes up a lot in Lay’s conversation. In recent years, he picked up the role as teacher and PD in many variety shows. There have been a lot of kids that appeared in front of him. He saw many similarities between these kids and himself back in the days, impulsive and enthusiasm. But beside witnessing them growing up, he also couldn’t help feeling anxious for them.
“I think that the market has been pushing them too hard. There are many kids who have talents. If we give them time to settle, if we give them just a bit more time, they will grow up to be the giants…Maybe we’re all too anxious.”
After becoming a boss, Lay more or less has experienced these eager feeling in spite of his own will. “After having my own company, I also know that company owners are also not easy. I think that we need to have a balance when we do things.”
Whether it’s about his career or personal mentality, his identity as a boss has given Lay many new perspective. It has made him to rethink many things: including being relaxed, everyone around has been telling him that he’s too tense. In the past, Lay would inevitably try to argue with them and with himself. But now, he lets that go. “I have my own attitude to life; others also have their own way of living.”
In recent years, he has experienced other lifestyles. He joined the slow variety show ‘Back to Field’. It’s the first time that he experienced slowing down. He usually spends 30 minutes to wait for a delivery and 5 minutes to finish the food. But in the Mushroom house, it takes him hours, even days, to prepare the dishes. Lay has never imagined this lifestyle before. This is his first time feeling that life tempo is under his control. ‘It’s like when I make my music. I can set the BPM to exactly what I want.’
The Island
It is common for Lay to use music as an analogy to life. For a long while, music was certainly Lay’s whole life.
Lay has mentioned that “If you want to move the earth, you have to find a place to stand on. Find something you really enjoy, or good at, and persist doing so.” In the past years, music is the place Lay needs to stand on to move the Earth and is also the thing he persisted.
From 2015 to 2017, Lay debuted with different characters. From the perspective of the public, the popular drama, “Mystic Nine”, helped Lay to attract younger generation. Prime time drama, “To Be a Better Man”, enlarged audience from different ages for Lay. Reality show, “Go Fighting!”, exposed Lay to the whole public. When it comes to the media and interviews, Lay talks more about his albums and music than reality shows and characters he portraited.
Looking back, Lay said he was eager to prove himself, “audience started to know me from ‘Go Fighting!’. It was a show that enriched me a lot. However, the thing I want everyone to know is that I’m actually a singer. I wonder if they would listen to my music. My music is very good.”
From time to time, Lay isolated himself to make music. He also rejected loads of invitations. He disclosed that, in those years, acting confused him more than music did.
To track down the changes of attitudes and emotions for acting, “The Island”, released in 2018, was probably the important turning point. During preparation of the movie, Bo Huang couldn’t find the right person for the character “Xiaoxing Ma”, and the leading actress Fanny Shu said, “Why don’t you ask Lay?”
Bo Huang called Lay twice. The first phone call was an invitation, and the second one was made even before Lay said yes. Bo Huang told Lay on the second phone call that the script has already been edited to fit with him. When Lay got the recognition from Bo Huang, he made the decision to delay the release of his album to participate in the movie.
While acting, Lay realized his lack of life experience. Xiaoxing Ma is a auto mechanic, while Lay was a total novice. The real challenge came as the need of enrich emotions. In The Island, Xiaoxing Ma has his arc light, but also reveal a true yet cruel side of human nature. Regarding this complex character, Lay had a very difficult time grasping the feeling. His acting was not passing, he didn’t even want to watch the replay and kept thinking to himself “Why is it not correct? I watched it once and twice, I still couldn’t see what was wrong after so many times.” Afterward, he understood that’s because he lacked experience.
“What is the most important thing about acting? Actors and actresses are expressing their experiences. With experiences, the characters can be built better.”
Are you enjoying acting now? Lay didn’t answer the question directly. Instead, he elaborated why he didn’t care for acting by his new thoughts generated from “being an actor”. “I had a favorite dish in childhood, poached egg, with some chili. If you ask about my favorite dish right now, as an adult, I like fried pork with green pepper. If you wonder, would I still like this dish after 5, or even 10 years, I don’t know. People are changing.”
Changes didn’t solely happen to acting. When releasing the first and second albums, Lay said it surprised people that he was making his own music. Some producers after knowing Lay personally, would even articulate with others that most music was made by Lay himself.
Lay felt “pathetic” when he realized producers and fans were explaining so hard. He was angry.
But now, the anger disappeared as he prepares for the fifth album, “I pay less attention to comments around me. I think instead, “Is the industry of ‘idol’ acceptable to the public? I feel my duty.”
Q & A
GQ: Have you gotten any chance to rest in the last two years?
Lay: Absolutely no. There were two reality shows last year, “CZR 2” and “Street Dance of China 3”. There’s no “CZR” this year but I joined “Back to Field”. But then filming “Back to Field” is like a vacation to me.
GQ: How long have you been preparing for the new album?
Lay: I have been preparing for it nonstop. I call it the “Fifth dimension”. Because compared to the previous four albums, this is a completely new dimension.
GQ: You always make sure to release new work every year, is this the KPI you set for yourself?
Lay: You can see this as KPI, or you can just see this as a part of your job. For example, artists must get their makeup done for work. Do you see this as KPI? I think of this as part of my own job as an artist. I really appreciate a saying by Andy Lau. “What is working too hard? We’re just doing our job!”
GQ: For a very long time, it seems like you preferred to talk more about your music works than your film works.
Lay: Whether acting or music, these are all within the work duty of an artist. Because I debut as a singer, at that time I really wished that everyone can know me as a singer. But at that time, everyone knew me through the reality show “Go Fighting!”. People don’t really care about what type of artist I am, they only care about the attention that I’ve got.
So during that time, I usually told people that “Go Fighting” is a reality show that had helped me a lot, but I’m actually a singer and I have my own work.
GQ: What type of boss are you?
Lay: I’m a new boss. Since I became the leader of a company, I started to learn that I can’t just disturb everyone outside working hours. Even though we’ve all been in this fight together, everyone has also expressed that starting a business is something we have to work hard together. I’m very touched by that, but I also grow to have a greater sense of propriety. I have to let everyone rest well so that they work more efficiently.
GQ: What left you with the deepest impression within the past 6 months?
Lay: I think it has to be my solo performance on Spring Gala. It was a very important confidence booster for me. I was a little lost at that time, I kept thinking “Do people really like my concept of mixing pop music and traditional Chinese style?”
To prepare for this performance, I rehearsed for over a month. But we received multiple notice during the time that our performance was taken out. We were told that we might want to try to blend in with other performances. There was so many ups and downs, it felt like rollercoaster ride. On New Year’s Eve, we were finally informed that our performance can be featured on Spring Gala, and it was a solo performance. This was a very important recognition for me. It was like a confidence booster shot.
GQ: Did you watch your own performance after that?
Lay: I did, but I was not pleased with it. I think that I could be better, a lot of the dance moves weren’t good enough. I was also nervous at that time, but I don’t want to use that as an excuse. It was indeed not good enough, “nervous” sounds just like an excuse.
GQ: You’ll be celebrating your 30th birthday this year. Do you think 30 is a turning point for you? Do you have that feeling of “Standing Tall at 30”?
Lay: I think so, it’s halfway of a lifetime.
This question is so abstract. What can be considered as “standing tall”? I think I don’t have that yet. I really like a book by Jackie Chen, it’s called “Jackie Chen: Never Grow Up”. In my opinion, in an abstract way, I would say “Men will be forever young at heart”.
I really think that’s how it is. I think I only see the final destination that I want to arrive. I think that we should always stay passionate and aim forward to be alive, I only want to tell myself that no matter what hardship or obstacle that I run into, I must run toward that final destination without any doubt, until one day when I can no longer move.
